How To Let Go of Perfectionism For Good
5 important steps to let go of perfectionism for good
What if I make a mistake? What if I look stupid or awkward? What if he or she doesn’t like me as I am? What if I fail?
Do those thoughts sound familiar? As a recovering perfectionist, I have struggled with years and years of intrusive thoughts telling me that I had to be perfect.
Because of my crippling perfectionism, I was fearful of chasing after my dreams, showing up for myself, and giving myself permission to make mistakes.
Perfectionism made me fearful, anxious, and inauthentic to who I truly was. There was a huge part of me that wanted to be free from this ‘perfectionistic trap.’ I was tired of holding myself back, feeling like I couldn’t be my full self with other people.
I’m still on a journey of learning how to let go of perfectionism, and that’s okay if you are, too! I will say that the tips I’m going to be sharing in this post have been extremely helpful for me to slowly let go of being a perfectionist.
It won’t be a perfect journey, but that’s the whole point! These steps I’m about to share will guide you in the right direction of finally letting go of perfectionism and start thriving as who you are.
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is commonly defined as a strong desire or need to appear and be perfect. Someone who struggles with perfectionism may have very high, unrealistic expectations for themselves.
Making mistakes can seem unbearable to a perfectionist, who may see mistakes and flaws as something that’s wrong with him or her.
Perfectionism can appear in every aspect of our lives, whether it’s in our work, relationships, family, personality, religion, studies, work, etc. It can cause us to ‘edit’ ourselves to appear flawless or seemingly put-together.
Ultimately, the root of perfectionism can stem from many factors such as being fearful of what others may think, the fear of failure, the fear of rejection, or the fear of being seen for who we truly are.
Why is it important to let go of perfectionism?
If you’ve found yourself trapped in the cycle of perfectionism, please know that you’re not alone. Many, many people (myself included) struggle with perfectionism… it’s just that a lot of people don’t admit it.
Why? Because we like to be seen as perfect, which only fuels the belief that everyone has got their sh** together when they really don’t, lol.
But the thing with perfectionism is that it’s a two double-edged sword. If we’ve used criticism and our perfectionistic standards to motivate us in the past and present, we might’ve been able to get more things done or feel more safer in our environment. On the other hand, it also causes us to feel more anxious and stressed while doing so.
It’s basically counterintuitive.
Perfectionists believe that letting go of their unrealistic standards will only lead to failure and exposure to other people’s judgments and criticism. I’ve found that many people who struggle with perfectionism believe it’s unsafe if they are seen as ‘less than perfect’ or ‘not good enough.’
Maybe you’ve grown up in an environment where your caregivers were very critical of you or had a negative experience that made you believe the story that ‘it’s unsafe to make mistakes’ or ‘I won’t be accepted if I show up fully.’
This post will teach you how to cultivate a stronger sense of trust within yourself to let go of perfectionism and learn to embrace your human-ness. So keep reading!
How to get started with overcoming perfectionism
When I was recovering from perfectionism, the beliefs of believing that I couldn’t make mistakes or had to be perceived as ‘perfect’ were still so strong. I just couldn’t seem to get myself out of that mindset.
That’s when I discovered the world of self-development and never looked back. I believe in the value of workbooks and guidance from experts, who have years of personal experience and knowledge dealing with the same things I’ve gone through.
These 3 books have been tremendously helpful in my journey of overcoming perfectionism. I honestly believe the key to anti-perfectionism is self-acceptance and compassion.
So if you’re looking for tools and resources to give you a nudge in the right direction, I highly recommend checking these out.
Steps for success in how to let go of perfectionism
Ready to step into letting go of perfectionism? Tired of letting it hold you back from being your true self or pursuing those big dreams of yours?
If you want to start living your life a little less perfect and start embracing the beauty of being human, then these tips will help you get started!
Step 1. Practice mindfulness meditation
The importance of mindfulness meditation is that when we’re tempted to judge ourselves for acting a certain way or not completing our goals, we can actually just acknowledge those thoughts rather than judging. It’s kind of like watching your thoughts on a film that just come and go.
When people hear about meditation, they tend to think of it as sitting down and clearing your mind from distractions and thoughts. At least, that’s definitely what I thought, which made me think mindfulness and meditation were not my jam.
The first couple of times I gave mindfulness meditation a try, I couldn’t seem to sit still and my thoughts would literally roam aimlessly. I felt like I wasn’t doing it right and would get frustrated at myself for not being able to focus on my breathing.
But see that’s the thing. Mindfulness meditation isn’t about being perfect. It’s the opposite.
Mindfulness is simply allowing your thoughts to just be without judgment. There is no right or wrong way when you practice it.
Our perfectionistic minds tell us that we need to clear our thoughts when practicing mindfulness, but the more you practice mindfulness, you’re learn to understand that all thoughts are welcome, even the intrusive, negative thoughts we have.
We’re simply allowing all thoughts to come and go as they are.
Step 2. Do things you’re not great at everyday
When’s the last time you did something you’re not exactly great at? Or do you feel like you only give yourself permission to do things that you’re confident in?
Well I’m going to give you a challenge to do 1 thing you’re not great at every single day for a month. It could literally be something so small like trying to do the splits, unless you’re already flexible, lol.
I’ll share with you things I’m not exactly great at that I’ve tried to just have fun doing.
I cannot dance to save my life, lol, but I like to dance in my room and just let loose.
Another example was when I went to a church retreat that had a lot of recreational sport activities. I get pretty bad performance anxiety when it comes to sports (aka the perfectionist in me comes out), but I played soccer and volleyball – two sports that I’m not exactly great at.
Even though I had intrusive thoughts that I had to be a pro in order to play with other people, I knew that if I didn’t allow myself to have fun, I would’ve missed an opportunity to just be human and enjoy life.
So what are things that you’ve been wanting to do, but feel like you have to be ‘perfect’ at? Can you let yourself just be average at that 1 thing during this challenge?
YOU GOT THIS.
Step 3. Embrace being a messy, full human
In the mind of a perfectionist, being a messy, full human being can be uncomfortable and maybe even terrifying.
There can be so many ‘what-ifs’ that pop up. What if allowing myself to make mistakes will cause people to think less of me? What if I fail? What if I’m not good enough? What if people judge me? What if I look stupid or awkward?
Notice that all of these what-ifs are seemingly negative and tend to lean towards the worst-case scenario. So what if we flipped the script? Flipping the script is actually a technique that a lot of successful entrepreneurs use towards their business.
Let’s try it! So going back to those questions… what if allowing myself to make mistakes will make people feel more comfortable with making mistakes, too? What if I succeed? What if I am good enough? What if people aren’t judging me? What if I actually end up being okay?
The more you practice this, you’ll eventually be able to start rewiring your nervous system for positivity, while activating your parasympathetic nervous system.
What if allowing yourself to be human makes you feel happier, more liberated, and less anxious? Give yourself the gift of being a messy, full human being.
Step 4. Learn self-acceptance
As I’ve mentioned earlier in this post, one of the key ways to overcome perfectionism is through self-acceptance. A lot of personal development gurus don’t really talk about this, but I’ve found it so profound to acknowledge who you are now.
When I notice myself trying to hide my social anxiety or hide an insecurity of mine, I resist acknowledging that that’s what I’m trying to do. I try to play it cool and act ‘perfect’ although deep down, I feel insecure and anxious.
But when you throw self-acceptance into the mix, it becomes a whole other story. Let me give you an example.
When I try to hide the fact that I’m nervous when it comes to meeting someone new, the perfectionist within me says, ‘It’s not okay to be nervous. I need to make that person feel comfortable. Don’t be awkward!’
But here’s what self-acceptance looks like when I talk to myself in this situation. ‘It’s okay to be nervous. It’s okay to be awkward, too.’
There’s going to be resistance from your perfectionist side, but the more you tell yourself that it’s okay to be the way you are, the easier it will become.
When you can accept yourself the way you are – that you struggle with perfectionism, that you don’t have your shiz together, that you might be more sensitive than others, that you sometimes get socially anxious, the more your confidence will grow.
You’ll actually start to be more comfortable in your own skin because you realize that your flaws, quirks, habits, personality are all acceptable. You won’t constantly be striving for validation from others because you’ve already received validation from yourself.
Step 5. Cultivate ‘play and fun’ into your life
I find that as we get older, the less we make time to have fun and just be kids. Our society praises hustle culture and toxic productivity – both of which only lead to burnout and more stress.
It’s no wonder we struggle with perfectionism because we’re constantly fed messages of ‘having to do more, not doing enough, and having to always be on-the-go.’ There’s this fear of being left behind in a culture that is so fast-paced and performance driven, which is completely valid.
But if being a perfectionist and hustling 24/7 only makes us feel anxious, burnt out, and unhappy… why don’t we change things around?
Intentionally incorporating play and fun into your life can actually boost your mental health, enhance your overall happiness, and boost your productivity.
When you allow yourself to have fun, you naturally enjoy life more, and you don’t take life too seriously and can let go of control more… and perfectionism is all about the desire to be in control.
Here are examples of fun that you can incorporate into your life:
- Having a dance break session randomly during the day
- Going to the beach and having fun in the waves
- Going to the bookstore and reading your favorite childhood book
- Watching a nostalgic TV show or movie
- Going to an ice cream shop and eating your favorite ice cream
- Painting for fun
- Allowing yourself to smell the flowers when you go on a walk
- Playing with your pet
- Cooking or making a meal you ate as a kid
- Jamming out to your favorite song in the car
- Taking a spontaneous trip on the weekend
You can implement fun into your life a lot easier than you think. It’s ultimately whether or not you are intentional about it. But I challenge you to do something fun each week for a month and see how you feel 🙂
The last thing you need to know about letting of perfectionism
To summarize, here are the main takeaways of this post:
- Practice mindfulness meditation as a way to allow your thoughts to come and go without judgment.
- Do things you are ‘average’ at or not great at every single day for a month.
- Embrace being a messy, full human by giving yourself compassion and permission to make mistakes.
- Learn self-acceptance to quiet your inner critic and let go of perfectionism from a more loving place.
- Cultivate ‘play and fun’ into your life and give room for space to be more spontaneous and free!
I hoped you enjoyed this post!! Please remember that the journey to letting goof perfectionism WILL NOT be perfect – but I think you’re already know that 🙂 Let your life be a little messy, a little chaotic, and a little spontaneous.. and I promise, you’ll enjoy being a human so much more!
If you liked this article, let me know in the comments below! I’d love to chat and talk more. 🙂
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