7 Best Self-Compassion Activities To Quiet Your Inner Critic

How to practice self-compassion and quiet your inner critic

Ugh, why am I so stupid. I messed up so badly. I’m such a failure.

Does that script sound familiar? Maybe we don’t actually explicitly say our mean thoughts out loud, but I’m pretty sure all of us at some point have been really critical of ourselves.

I know I’ve struggled with mean thoughts about myself, and I sometimes still do. Growing up, I believed that being critical towards myself was the only way I would be disciplined and self-motivated.

My inner critic fueled me to achieve my goals and keep going, and it seemed to work at times. My harsh, loud inner critic would tell me to ‘get out of bed or else I’m just a lazy bum’ or ‘get a job or else I’m a failure.’

As you can see, I really struggled with black-and-white thinking. I didn’t know how to give myself compassion and speak more kindly to myself. Self-compassion was never modeled for me growing up, so I had to learn how to cultivate my own self-compassionate voice through continuous self-compassion activities.

By doing these exercises, I’ve been able to be less self-critical, practice mindful productivity, and feel more confident about myself. In this post, I’ll be sharing with you 7 really helpful self-compassion activities that will help you quiet your inner critic and learn to be kinder to yourself!

What is self-compassion?

Self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself with kindness and compassion. It’s basically treating and talking to yourself the way you would talk to a friend.

For example, if your friend accidentally forgets something at her house, you wouldn’t yell at her right? But maybe we would tell ourselves, Gosh. Why am I so forgetful? I hate myself, ugh.

When we say we’re our worst critics, I could definitely agree with that. Sometimes we’re not even aware of how critical we are towards ourselves. Research has shown that instead of seeing our thoughts as destructive and unhealthy, we make it a normalized self-narrative in our lives.

We, essentially, lack self-compassion to motivate and encourage ourselves when we need it. However, we all can strengthen our ‘self-compassion muscle‘ through consistent practice and patience. It takes time to change the narrative we’ve been telling ourselves for so long.

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How you can get started with practicing self-compassion?

I feel like I’d be doing you a disfavor if I didn’t share my favorite self-compassion resources that have helped me SO much. Honestly, these resources are what inspired me to start this blog.

So if you want to learn more about self-compassion, I HIGHLY recommend these resources by the founder of self-compassion.org, Kristen Neff.

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff

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The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kristen Neff

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How does self-compassion help quiet your inner critic?

Self-compassion is the exact opposite of self-criticism, which is what fuels our inner critic. For example, let’s say you have to present a topic in front of your class.

You feel your anxiety creeping up on you since you absolutely hate public speaking. You’re probably afraid of fumbling over your words and looking stupid in front of everyone.

Maybe your inner critic is telling you: You better not mess up your presentation. If you do, everyone’s going to laugh at you. The last thing you want to do is embarrass yourself. So you better not mess up!

I mean how stressful and critical is that inner voice! But believe it or not, we probably talk to ourselves like this like it’s the norm when we experience failure or rejection. We basically ‘bully ourselves’ for not living up to our unrealistic, perfectionistic expectations and standards.

If you’re tired of your inner critic being so loud, I believe these 7 self-compassion activities will help you cultivate a healthier relationship with yourself.

7 self-compassion activities to quiet your inner critic

self compassion activities for college students

1. Be mindful of your self-talk

How do you talk to yourself when you make mistakes or get embarrassed because of something you said? How does your inner critic sound like?

If you could picture your inner critic in your imagination, what would it look and sound like? Sometimes, it helps me to visualize my inner critic as a small green monster with a raspy voice. You probably think I’m crazy, lol.

But visualizing your inner critic allows you to see that it’s actually separate from who you are. Everyone has a self-compassionate voice within themselves, but it might be harder to access.

That’s why being mindful of your inner critic and self-talk is the first step to take action. The more mindful you are of your inner dialogue, the easier it will become to nurture your self-compassionate voice.

Self-compassion activity: Visualize what your inner critic looks and sounds to you and draw it. Is it big or small? Is it loud, rude, or mean? Put it down on paper.

2. Validate your feelings

Do you validate your feelings when you get upset, frustrated, anxious, or stressed? If you struggled to say ‘yes,’ just know that you’re not alone.

Growing up, if you didn’t get the validation you needed from your parents or the people around you, chances are you probably struggled to emotionally cope with your feelings.

I definitely saw how a lack of emotional validation as a child spilled into my adulthood. Whenever I felt sad, I’d bottle up my feelings because I thought being vulnerable was a bad thing. Whenever I got anxious, I’d try to pretend that I was fine, although that wasn’t truly how I felt.

Learning to validate my own feelings is still a journey, and it’s certainly a skill that can be strengthened over time. Validation is such a big component of self-compassion because it is the acceptance of one’s feelings and emotions free of judgment.

Sometimes it can be difficult to know what to say to ourselves during moments of suffering, so here are some ways you can validate yourself:

If you’re feeling anxious, you can say: This is hard for me. It’s okay to feel anxious. A lot of people would feel this way in this situation. I’m here for you.
If you’re feeling frustrated at yourself, you can say: This is difficult for me. I’m feeling frustrated at myself, and it’s okay that I feel this way. I’m learning to be kinder to myself in the process. If this is how I feel right now, I’ll let myself be.
If you’re feeling sad, you can say: I know this is hard for you. It’s okay to be sad. You have a right to your feelings. I’ll be here to support you.

I hope this helps you get a better idea of what self-validation looks like. It can be as simple as saying ‘it’s okay to feel this way’ or ‘I see and hear you.’

Self-compassion activity: Write down 2-3 statements that gives you the validation you seek. What do you need to hear from yourself? Place those statements somewhere you can refer to when you need them. You can use the examples above, too!

3. Write a self-compassion letter

You can think of a self-compassion letter as a ‘love letter’ to yourself. I’ve found this to be soo helpful for my mental health and personal growth.

As someone who is open about my struggle with social anxiety, it’s really hard to be compassionate towards myself when I meet new people or have to talk in a group. I remember when I started a new job, I thought I was doing everything wrong and was awful at my job.

So I remember coming home one day, feeling frustrated. I ripped out a piece of notebook paper and just wrote down a letter of encouragement and compassion to myself. And can I just tell you that writing a letter to myself made me feel SO much better.

I felt seen, validated, and loved. It was the power of my words that made me feel like I can give myself the kindness and compassion I really wanted.

That’s why I strongly see the benefits of writing a self-compassion letter because you can always read back on what you wrote and feel encouraged.

Self-compassion activity: Is there an area in your life that you’re currently struggling with? Finance, self-confidence, family, or relationships? Write a short, self-compassion letter to yourself, and imagine what a friend would say to you in this situation.

4. Practice a self-compassion meditation

There are so many self-compassion meditations out there. I’ve learned this from Kristen Neff, who is basically the expert of self-compassion. I first learned about self-compassion through her books, which has honestly changed my life and one of the big reasons why I started this blog.

I’m going to share with you a simple mindfulness meditation that I try to practice in my life. I learned this from Kristen Neff’s popular mindfulness workbook.

This meditation is called a ‘Self-Compassion Break.’ I’ll show you how it works:

Try to think of an ongoing situation in your life that may be causing you stress and anxiety.

Here is what you’re going to say to yourself:

1. This is a moment of suffering.

By saying this, you’re practicing mindfulness. You could also say:

This is hard.
This hurts.
Ouch.

2. Suffering is a part of life.

By saying this, you’re acknowledging that this is a part of common humanity. You could also say:

I’m not alone.
We all struggle in our lives.
A lot of people feel this way.

You’re going to place your hands over your heart and feel the warm touch of your hands. Or you can place your hands on your stomach and feel the gentle rise and fall.

Now say to yourself:

3. May I be kind to myself in this moment.

Ask yourself, What do I need to hear right now from myself? Here are other phrases you could try:

May I learn to accept myself as I am.
May I give myself the compassion that I need.
May I forgive myself in this moment.
May I begin to love myself as I am.
May I be strong.

Self-compassion activity: Practice this self-compassion meditation once a day for a week. It can either be in the morning or at night. It’d be helpful to keep a journal and see how you feel after each meditation practice.

Psst…I have a free self-compassion challenge that you can get your hands on! So what are you waiting for? Grab your (free!) printable self-compassion challenge to quiet your inner critic!

5. Do something you enjoy

With self-compassion, we want to show that we can treat ourselves with love and kindness. Have you noticed that sometimes you want to take a walk or you want to do an activity, but we say ‘no’ to ourselves?

I’ve struggled with the idea of toxic productivity growing up due to societal pressure and family expectations. This made me feel like if I wasn’t doing something ‘productive’ with my time, I was useless, which only made me more stressed and guilty.

That’s why self-care is so important. You need to prioritize your mental health and start taking care of your mind and body. The more you practice self-care, the more you’ll realize that you’re worth being taken of and that you matter.

So what is it that you’ve been wanting to do? Is it going for a morning jog or afternoon walk? Is it heading to the beach and enjoying the sun? Or is it simply cozying up on your couch and reading a book that you haven’t touched in a while?

Go do the things you’ve been wanting to do!

Self-compassion activity: Choose 1-2 self-care activities you want to do this week and schedule them into your calendar. Think of them as appointments for yourself that you can’t back out of!

You might like this article: 8 Simple Self-Care Ideas For Stress And Tough Days

6. Journal out your feelings

I am a HUGE advocate for self-compassion journaling. Even mental health experts and research have shown that journaling can help increase self-awareness, practice self-reflection, and encourage personal growth.

Learning to journal in a non-judgmental way can create a more trusting, loving relationship with ourselves. I wrote this really helpful post about journal prompts and my favorite types of journals if you don’t know where to start!

I think journaling just comes with so many benefits, and it cultivates the practice of strengthening your self-compassionate voice within you!

Self-compassion activity: Get a journal (I highly recommend this one) and schedule in 15 minutes of your day to just journal. It could be right when you wake up or before you head to bed!

7. Take a self-compassion walk

Sometimes, we just need a breather to take a break from life and all the things it throws at us. When we feel stressed or overwhelmed, our thoughts tend to spiral.

But we can stop that cycle by taking a self-compassion walk.

What is a self-compassion walk, though? It’s basically a simple walk that you can do anywhere while giving yourself compassion and kindness spent alone. Let me give you an example.

Let’s say I’m super stressed about work because I have so many things on my plate and so many deadlines to meet. To stop my thoughts from spiraling, I’m going to distract them.

This is what a self-compassion walk can look like:

Get up from your chair and get outside. By doing so, you’re distracting your thoughts.
Practice mindfulness during your walk. Use your 5 senses to be present. What do you see, hear, smell, taste, or touch?
Validate your feelings. Acknowledge how you feel and don’t push them away.
Practice self-compassion. Acknowledge that this is hard for you and that many people feel this way, too. You’re not alone.

Keep in mind that this exercise isn’t to solve a solution or make your feelings go away. The core of self-compassion is simply acknowledging that you’re human and that it’s okay to feel the way you do.

Self-compassion activity: Schedule in a self-compassion walk this week and practice these 4 steps. Journal how you feel and see if you noticed anything different with your mind and body.

Final thoughts about self-compassion

Self-compassion is a skill that you can strengthen and grow. Think of it like a muscle that you can build and work on.

Especially if you didn’t grow up learning how to cultivate a voice of self-compassion, it might take some time to nurture it.

Be patient with yourself with these self-compassion activities! I’m so proud of you, friend, for wanting to cultivate a life of self-compassion.

And if no one has really told you this, I’m here to tell you: I believe in you. You can create the life you want, learn to speak kinder to yourself, and overcome your fears.

From this post, which out of these self-compassion activities would you like to try? I’d love to know in the comments below!