Feeling Lonely After A Breakup? Here’s How To Deal With It.

Dealing with loneliness after a breakup – how to cope with it

My first relationship ended with me in complete heartbreak. As in, I didn’t know how to cope with the pain and hurt at all. It felt like emotional torture to me.

I hate to admit this, but I kept reaching out to my ex in hopes that he would change his mind. But obviously, he didn’t, and my self-confidence was literally shot down.

I seriously wish someone created a step-by-step manual for me so that I knew what to expect after a breakup. I felt so alone and lost, and it took me a good while to heal from my first breakup.

Friend, if you’re struggling to cope after a recent breakup, please know that you’re not alone. Breakups are so freaking hard, whether it ended on good terms or not.

But I can tell you that I’m on the other side of what seemed like an unbearable weight of loneliness and heartbreak. So I can confidently tell you that you’ll be okay, too.

If I could go back and tell ’21 year-old me’ how to deal with loneliness after a breakup, this is exactly what I would say.

So I’m here to share with you everything I’ve learned from dealing with loneliness. And I’m here to support and encourage by giving you helpful tips that will hopefully help you heal faster and feel less lonely.

Feeling empty after a breakup

When you’ve separated from someone you’ve spent so much time and energy with, it’s only natural to feel empty after a breakup. The person you’ve invested so much of your time and energy with is no longer a part of your life. And it’s freaking hard.

It’s understandable that you feel emotionally hurt and depressed after a difficult breakup. Everyone has their way of coping, and some of us may feel more deeply than others, and that’s okay.

Know that you are not alone and feeling empty after a breakup is normal. When you were together, you probably had some really good, special moments. And those memories keep replaying in your mind. Our brains actually tend to hold onto the good memories even if logically, we knew there were some rough patches in our relationships.

Many studies have shown that being in a relationship releases a ‘love hormone’ called oxytocin. We feel these happy hormones when we’re in relationship with someone, so our brains tend to hold onto that feeling because it feels good.

That’s why breaking up can lead you to feel so empty afterwards because we’re not getting that oxytocin anymore.

Why do I feel lonely after a breakup?

Feeling lonely after a breakup is SO normal and common. It’s like asking the question, Why do I feel tired after not getting enough sleep? Well, duh. Because you didn’t get enough sleep! It’s kind of a no-brainer, lol.

So why do you feel lonely after a breakup? Because breaking up hurts. Unless you are a narcissist or a sociopath (you’re definitely not if you’re reading this article), hurting and feeling lonely after a breakup shows that you have emotions.

Ultimately, feeling lonely shows that YOU ARE HUMAN.

How to overcome loneliness after a breakup

Before we jump right into how to deal with loneliness and cope with the feeling, I wanted to give you practical tools and resources that have personally helped me through my breakup.

I feel like I would be doing a disservice if I didn’t share with you what helped me cope with my breakups. Trust me, I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak…

So here are the most helpful, practical tools that helped me during my healing process.

• A FREE worksheet to work through loneliness
• Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents (I HIGHLY recommend this book. It helped me a lot with understanding my past relationships with guys)
• A FREE worksheet to deal with triggers of loneliness.
• The Loneliness Companion Workbook (an easy-to-follow, practical guide for overcoming loneliness)

8 ways to deal with loneliness after a breakup

You’ve spent so much time with this person and you might be wondering what to do with your time. If you’re feeling lonely and depressed, you’re probably reading this article because you want to learn how to move forward with your life.

So what can you do to cope after a breakup? Here are 8 helpful, practical ways to deal with feeling lonely after a breakup.

1. Take a break from social media

Have you been finding yourself spending more time on your phone or social media to distract yourself? Or maybe you’ve been feeling tempted to see what your ex has been up to. We’ve all been there.

We want to distract ourselves from feeling these painful emotions. But is the time you spend on social media actually productive? I don’t know about you, but on my ‘For you’ Instagram page, I tend to see a LOT of IG couple reels.

When I was going through heartbreak, these IG reels only made me feel worse about myself. I felt lonely, jealous, and just plain old SAD. I had to take a break from social media because it wasn’t helpful for my mental health.

If you’re on social media, take a break away from it – at least for the time being. Uninstall your social media apps and remove any triggers that can make you feel more lonely.

Trust me, you’re doing yourself a favor by not stalking your ex’s profile or watching TikTok or IG reels. Instead, get outside and go on a walk.

Find healthier ways to cope and I promise, you’ll feel 10x better than going on social media.

2. Say yes to every social invitation

Often times, after ending a relationship, it’s easy to coop up in our rooms, distract our thoughts with Netflix, and isolate ourselves from the world.

I mean, that’s totally understandable. After all, dealing with heartbreak is a very painful experience. The last thing you want to do is meet other people when you’re thinking about only one person.

Your feelings are valid, and I feel like I’ve said this a million times… but ending a relationship is so hard.

It takes mental strength and courage to put yourself out there to meet new people. But maybe meeting new people can also help you get out of your head.

Meeting new people actually opens up a new world of opportunities in your life. Not only is this a healthy way to distract your mind, but you also are putting yourself out there in an incredibly brave way.

Say ‘yes’ to any social invitations that come your way. Whether it’s your friend inviting you to go to a night out or party, say ‘yes.’ If your family wants to go out to lunch, don’t stay in your room. Go with them!

If you stumble across a social event on Meetup or there’s a school campus event, go to it. Be brave and celebrate each time you say ‘yes’ to a social invite!

3. Have compassion on yourself

Practicing compassion is a skill I’m still trying to get better at. I have a really hard time giving myself grace and kindness, when I make a mistake or embarrass myself.

When they say you are your worst critic, I agree 100% with that. Being kind to myself is a whole lot harder than being kind to others.

But why is it so important to practice self-compassion after a breakup? Because feeling lonely after a breakup is tough and so difficult. Maybe you’ve caught yourself thinking these following thoughts:

• I’m going to be lonely forever. No one will ever like me.
• I’m not good enough that’s why he/she broke up with me.
• I shouldn’t feel this way. I need to get over myself and move on.
• I have no friends to go to for support. I’m such a loner.

Do you resonate with any of these thoughts? And if so, does saying this to yourself help you in any way? Would we say this to a stranger or friend who is coping with loneliness after a breakup? I hope not!

So why say this to yourself? All of us have experienced and dealt with loneliness at some point in our lives. It’s just a part of the human experience.

This is where self-compassion comes in. We must acknowledge that loneliness is a shared human experience. We have to practice flipping the script on ourselves – to turn our inner critic into a voice of self-compassion. This is what flipping the script could look like, using the statements above.

• I know feeling lonely is really hard for me right now. But it doesn’t mean it’s forever. When the timing is right, I’ll find someone.
• It really hurt when he/she broke up with me. But I can’t blame myself for the reason we broke up. I am worthy and enough, and I will find someone that appreciates all of me.
• It’s okay to feel lonely. Many people feel this way after a breakup. May I be kind to myself in this moment.
• It’s hard for me to not have anyone to lean onto during this time. But maybe this is an opportunity to meet new people and make friends. Or I could reach out to a counselor or therapist for support.

See how flipping the script makes you feel a whole lot better? The way we talk to ourselves can make a HUGE difference. I promise you that your healing journey will be a lot easier when you can be a friend to yourself.

So give yourself the gift of self-compassion!

4. Start a hobby or project

Is there a certain hobby, project, or skill that you’ve been wanting to work on but never got around to? And if not, maybe this is the perfect opportunity to explore your interests!

Sometimes, we can invest so much time into another person that we forget about ourselves. See this as a time in your life to focus on yourself.

If you don’t know where to start, here are some ideas:

• Buy a canvas and paint something
• Redesign and redecorate your entire room
• Start a blog and get creative
• Complete a puzzle
• Learn to rollerskate
• Buy a gym membership and start going
• Change up your style (outfit, hair, etc)
• Learn an instrument
• Take a workout class such as pilates, yoga, cycling, etc.

When I was dealing with loneliness after a breakup, my thoughts would dwell so much on the other person. I was tempted to go on dating apps and fill that void by meeting other guys. And I did.

Did it make me feel fulfilled and more confident about myself?

No, lol.

Looking back, I wish I had proactively and intentionally taken time to myself. I can happily say that my coping skills are a lot healthier.

It wasn’t too long ago that I broke up with someone. Instead of looking to dating apps and trying to numb out, I realized that this was a season of singleness that I could try to enjoy.

I ended up booking my first solo flight to visit a friend, and I know I would’ve never done something like that if I was still in a relationship.

So take time to discover yourself; you don’t have to wait to start now!

5. Let others know how you feel

Ah, this is a tough one for me, especially since I’m not a vulnerable type of person. I like to stay optimistic because sometimes, I feel like being honest about my feelings will make others feel uncomfortable.

It’s definitely my inner critic speaking to me.

If this is difficult for you, know that you are not alone. It can be especially difficult if you don’t really have a support system of friends and family. That’s why I’d recommend seeking out a therapist or counselor.

I’m such a huge advocate for therapy, and it’s seriously such a healthy way to process your emotions and have someone listen to you without having a subjective opinion.

As difficult as it is, take that courageous step to be vulnerable with just one person that you trust. Is it a friend, family member, or mentor? Whoever it is, a great way to open up the conversation is saying, “Hey, could I actually talk to you about something that’s been weighing on my heart lately?”

Just by saying that, you open up a gateway of possibilities to connect even more deeply in your relationships. Vulnerability is powerful because it shows that we’re not perfect, and we don’t seemingly have it all together.

6. Allow yourself to grieve

This is such an important step when it comes to dealing with loneliness after a breakup. The more you try to push away your feelings, the more difficult it will be to move forward in life.

Trust me, no one likes to feel pain or hurt after a breakup. It hurts too much, and a lot of people are afraid to feel because they don’t know how to handle these strong, painful emotions.

I know because I’ve been there. I was horrible at coping and handling my emotions, which made it so hard for me to move on.

I want to challenge you to allow yourself to feel these emotions – whatever they may be.

Grieving is a necessary part of your healing process.

It’s not a bad emotion because first of all, it shows that you cared about the relationship. Second, choosing to grieve helps you to practice self-compassion.

Grieving is a shared human experience as well, so you’re not alone. Yes, it may seem like emotional torture, but that’s because we want to protect ourselves from feeling hurt.

We’ll do literally anything to protect ourselves from getting hurt. That’s why practicing self-compassion is SO important when it comes to grieving.

Give yourself as much support and compassion as you can while you’re grieving. Talk to yourself like you would to a friend who’s hurting deeply.

7. Get active

When I was struggling to cope after a breakup, it took me several months to buy a gym membership. But it was probably the best thing I ever did for myself.

The gym was my safe place, despite struggling with social anxiety. It forced me to focus my energy and attention elsewhere. I started to feel more confident mentally and physically.

I still go to the gym as a part of my regular daily routine, mostly because it helps my mental health.

But if there’s something I’m so grateful I did after my breakup, it was getting active and trying something new. There were definitely times when I had mental breakdowns in the gym’s bathroom and cried, thinking about my ex.

But deep down, I knew that I was getting better and that encouraged me to keep going.

If you want to channel your energy elsewhere, then get active! Push yourself out of your comfort zone, buy that gym membership, take that pilates class, go on a run, and have fun with it!

8. Make plans

Learning to navigate loneliness and being single after a breakup can be confusing and tough. What do you do with all your free time? Now that you have chunks of time in your schedule to yourself, how do you make the most of it?

For starters, I’d say schedule in time to make plans with your friends and family. I’d highly encourage you to schedule in 1-2 hangouts per week.

Here are some goals and fun, creative ideas to make plans:

• Schedule in 1-2 hangouts per week
• Reach out to 1-3 friends you haven’t talked to in a while and plan a video call/in-person hangout
• Volunteer for an organization or event you’re interested in
• Book a solo getaway trip for the weekend
• Take yourself on a date every week (bookstore, mall, coffee shop, etc)
• Spend a day at the beach
• Go on a hike every weekend
• Schedule in solo dates for yourself (going out for ice cream, having a picnic, going to the farmer’s market)

There’s literally so much you could do with your time! So my challenge to you is to make plans and schedule them into your calendar every week. You might even learn a lot about yourself along the way.

Frequently asked questions about managing loneliness

The last thing you need to know about feeling sad and lonely after a breakup

Coping with loneliness is an obstacle on its own. It’s not an easy journey, but you are SO worth the time and energy to invest in yourself. Are there things you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t taken the time to do so? When was the last time you scheduled a date with yourself? Have you been kind to yourself during this whole breakup?

Sometimes, we need this time alone to really understand ourselves. So if you’ve realized that you’re not ready to date again, that is a-okay. Take this time to date yourself!

Yes, you may feel lonely every now and then. But just know that you can and will get through this. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel. Don’t fight your feelings away.

Remember that feeling lonely after a breakup is temporary. You’re so strong and capable!

I hope you found this post helpful and insightful. If you did, I would LOVE to know in the comments below how you have personally dealt with loneliness after a breakup.

I’m sure someone reading this could be encouraged by your words!

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Feeling lonely after a breakup? Here’s how to deal with it.